c. November 5, 2005 Anno Domini
It's about 3 AM and I recently got home from an 11.5 hour shift at work and found this in my e-mail:
Subject: I LOVE YOU
From: namedeleted@calpoly.edu
I hope I remembered you email address right! Anyway it's Diane and I love you
and just wanted to be one of the many to get your emails while you're away in
Japan. You are superb!!
Hope you are having fun
Diholio
to which I replied:
Subject: Re: I LOVE YOU
To: namedeleted@calpoly.edu
Diane,
I'm sorry but I think you remembered someone's email address incorrectly :(
As much as I would love to go to Japan (because I am obsessed with
sumo and I want to see it live instead of watching it on a streaming
video at 2 or 3 AM local time) I have no serious plans to go there in
the near future.
On the other hand, I admit I am superb but the Japan thing is still
making me seriously doubt that I was the intended recipient of your
email. Sorry, and good luck trying to remember the correct email
address before your friend leaves for Japan!
Sincerely,
Jonathan Roberts
The next day she replied
Subject: Re: Re: I LOVE YOU
From: namedeleted@calpoly.edu
You sound a lot cooler than the Jon Roberts I was trying to email earlier.
He's kind of a douche bag. Wanna be best friends?
Diane
She's probably right. I sound a lot cooler than most people but I obviously already have enough best friends, you know? I sent her one last message.
Subject: Re: Re: Re: I LOVE YOU
To: namedeleted@calpoly.edu
Thanks. Not to brag or anything but I sound a lot cooler than most
people. I'm sorry to hear that the other Jon Roberts you know is kind
of a douche bag. It's a shame that he isn't a little closer to the
Samuel L. Jackson end of the coolness scale than the douche bag end
the way I am. :(
c. November 12, 2005 Anno Domini
From: namedeleted@calpoly.edu
Subject: Re: I LOVE YOU
Wait, so your telling me that this is really not Jon Roberts, the love of my
life who left me to go to Japan, but another "Jonathan" Roberts with the same
email address that I thought I remember my Jon Roberts telling me?
Yeah, that's exactly what I've been saying! Maybe I should have chosen a more distinctive e-mail address when I registered for gmail but I wanted something at least semi-professional sounding, not like iamthedreadpiraterobertsandiwillplunderyourbooty@gmail.com although maybe I should get that one too if it isn't already taken.
c. March 7, 2006 Anno Domini
My break last night was amusing. I went to Borders after I had eaten to look around and a young lady mistook me for the manager of Borders and asked me to help her find The Phantom of the Opera... I helped her look for about five minutes and we eventually found one version from 1989 and another version from a long time ago starring Lon Chaney but she wanted the most recent movie version so I wasn't really much help. She asked if I could look for it in the back room for her so I told her "actually I don't really work here" and she apologized many times while I laughed uncontrollably.
c. March 11, 2006 Anno Domini
My mom saw me leaving for work wearing my Sugar Daddy tie yesterday.
Mom: You may not want to wear that!
Me: Why not? It matches my belt.
Mom: It has another connotation... a rich, old guy who has a young girlfriend who is only with him to get expensive presents!
Me: Ohhhhh
c. March 2, 2006 Anno Domini
6:00 PM EST: I arrived at work
8:00 PM EST: A very angry man informs me that he came to the theater to see The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe with a group from his church, expecting it to have some kind of biblical content because it had the word "chronicles" in the title but that it in fact did not have any relation whatsoever to the Bible and that he was very upset and wanted a refund.
He was expecting something Old Testament, like a movie about the books of I Chronicles and II Chronicles with King Saul, King David, Jonathan and all those people, not an allegorical story about the descent of man into sin, the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, man's redemption and all that. He didn't seem to have noticed any symbolism in Aslan's sacrificing his life for Edmund and coming back to life to defeat the Witch and Jesus's death and resurrection.
I obviously made the mistake of assuming that someone who went to church and went to see movies with people from his church might actually know something about the Bible. Egad.
9:00 PM EST: One of my box office cashiers asks an intoxicated young gentleman to show her his ID after he asks for two tickets to an R-rated movie. Suddenly I find myself in the box office with him screaming at me "I support this theater but I'm not showing f***ing ID to see a movie. I'll go somewhere else!" I tell him that would be a good idea and he begins to walk away. Then he returns and says "you should shave your face, it would be more appropriate for a manager." I somehow restrain myself from retorting "you should avoid taking your girlfriend out to see a movie and making a drunken ass of yourself in front of her and hundreds of other people in public. It would be more appropriate for a young gentleman" as he storms off.
11:00 PM EST: A man comes in and asks if he can have a refund for a ticket to the 10:45 PM show of Star Wars Episode III - Revenge of the Sith from 6/11/05. He said he purchased it for a friend and the friend never showed up. I give him a free pass instead of a refund... its not really a big deal and it sucks when friends bail out after you have already paid for their ticket so I understand.
Then he says "my friend always does that, actually can I have passes for these too?" and shows me tickets to:
Veer-Zaara - 4:30 PM show on 11/16/04
The Hulk - 10:45 PM show on 7/7/03
Charlie's Angels 2: Full Throttle - date and showtime unreadable
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - date and showtime also unreadable
4:34 AM EST: We finally finish closing and I begin to give a co-worker a ride home. He got in an accident and has no transportation so he had to spend the previous night SLEEPING IN THE BLOODY THEATER and he looks like hell so there is no way I can force him to do that again.
5:15 AM EST: Arrive at co-worker's apartment and drop him off.
5:16 AM EST: Use restroom in co-worker's apartment before driving myself home and notice a conspicuously displayed copy of "Playboy Vixens" resting on the back of the toilet. Raise an eyebrow but with no intention of ever bringing it up.
5:17 AM EST: Co-worker randomly and quite awkwardly says to me on my way out "sorry about the magazine. Its not mine, its my roommate's." I tell him not to worry about it and leave.
6:05 AM EST: Arrive home.
c. March 18, 2006 Anno Domini
In an attempt to thwart would-be thieves all prints of King Kong in the US were shipped to local cinemas in boxes labeled with the print's code name, "Tiny Dancer," rather than the movie's actual title.
c. March 23, 1006 Anno Domini
Little Kid: Lord of the Rings, please
Me: I'm sorry, we don't have that movie
Little Kid: I meant King Kong
Me: Ok... they're both Peter Jackson...
Little Kid: Is there any nudity in King Kong?
Me: No. Except King Kong himself. He doesn't wear any clothes.
c. March 20, 2006 Anno Domini
The system which abbreviates long movie titles so they fit on the tickets and marquee signs is highly automated and we have very little control over how it abbreviates things. Our tickets for Fun With Dick and Jane miraculously manage to print out with the title as "Dick & Jane" but we were not so fortunate with the marquee sign above the auditorium where it is playing. I heard that yesterday a group of schoolgirls was sighted whipping out their cameras to snap photographs of the sign above the auditorium #11 doorway reading "FUN WITH DICK" and giggling like, well, schoolgirls for lack of a better term.
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